A few Irish

A few Irish

Paddy takes his goldfish to the vet.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".


Paddy sees a letter among the mail on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends an hour figuring out how he can pick it up !.


Paddy shouting frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"

Paddy was driving home, drunk as lord, suddenly he has to swerve to
avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "for god sake Paddy, it's your air freshener swinging about!"


An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.


Paddy's in jail. A guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"What you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".

Paddy's wife, flicking through a magazine, says "I think we should get a dog. One of those labrador retrievers - you know, the yellow ones."
Paddy looks puzzled for a moment before saying "Oh, no. Not those. You don't want one of them around the house. They make you go blind".

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