And ther no even blonde

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or
12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets


TWO
I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put
her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the
cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she
could scan it.
Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they
kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I! should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't
get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to
fit this?'
'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key
and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the
batteries. It's a long walk..'

FIVE
Several years ago, we had a new starter who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned
to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do? Just use copier machine
paper, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper,
put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency
room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should
be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer.....'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Life is tough... it's tougher if you're stupid

BRILLIANT, might have to try using the ATM machine hehe

Brilliant? It's crap! Far too much Yank garbage (sorry - rubbish) infultrating our language as it is. Our kids are turning into American clones.

Phrases like -

"I'm made up for you"

"Big it up"

and instead of simply saying "give the singer a round of applause", it's now -

"Give it up for the singer". GIVE IT UP? What a load of bullocks!

"UP YOURS" I say, bring back good ol' proppa English like wot I speak!

like have a jolly gay day?
tally ho

K

ill go and play in that corner over there>>>

... and that's another thing. Until Tatchell and his shirt-lifters hi-jacked the word "gay", it was in common useage. Now the only time you hear it on TV is well before the watershed during Emmerdale, Corrie, etc. when the limp-wristed ones are cuddling and referring to you know what! Call them Woolly Woofters by all means, but not "gay". Makes my blood boil.

... and talking of posteriors, it's not Uranus (you-ren-ous) you PC-led presenters and news-readers, it's Uranus (your-anus).

... and now non-smokers can't sit outside a pub or a cafe on a hot summer's day because of the constant smokescreen. What's that all about?

... and before stepping out of a department store you now have to take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds until further up the pavement - the alternative is the first breath of fresh air is no longer that, it's a lungful of secondhand smoke!

... and I'm fitting an extra loud air horn to the Rangie to shift those 50mph w*****s out of the middle lane of motorways!

... and I'm gonna lie down. blood pressure's shot up and I'm feeling quite faint.

All their fault, the B******S!!!

Gawd Tam yer like an auld wumin.........................Pipe doon auld chappie

Kieran

nah, old women have more hair

Tom Mc wrote:

"UP YOURS" I say, bring back good ol' proppa English like wot I speak!

proppa and wot is from the yanks aswell from their chavs

Crazy~Johno wrote:

proppa and wot is from the yanks aswell from their chavs

'merca has a chav infestation, too?

yeah thats where i all came from as i think is the scum trying to copy the america gangster rubbish that they have over there as over here we like our rock music, i not list but you get the idea :afro: :afro: :farao: